Call me vulnerable. Because I am. I will call you vulnerable too. It’s clear to me that somehow, in some way(s), we all display being vulnerable, all the time or some of the time.

My spouse has always called single friends and relatives to check that they arrived home safe and sound. The recipients tell her they appreciate this.

But, in a new twist, some men are calling each other to say, “good night,”  in a good old-fashioned phone call, as documented in this recent newspaper article.

It really is heart-warming and refreshing. Friendship-cementing. Gender norms-adapting. The times they are a-changing.

I believe not enough of us check in with other friends (all genders) to see that they are all right. By day or at night. For no reason other than to be concerned about them and let them know they are appreciated.

Any feeling of loneliness (and yes, we all have some touch of it!) can be allayed, at least partially, in that warm feeling that someone close to you took the time to care, to ensure you are safe, sound, and secure. Makes the heart feel warm, right?

Or when you notice a connection has been absent, hasn’t posted on social media or other e-communication (especially on LinkedIn IMHO), I urge you to reach out to ask, “are you ok?” or “has something extraordinary happened?” (to which you may find out some positive, or negative a life event: a parent died, they are sick or attending to someone who is, they are subsumed in their work, a child needed extra attention, etc.), any of a number of reasons and events kept them away from their usual timbre keeping us informed and enriched by their POV. Or their inward imposter syndrome holds them back in toxic self-myths and must be loosened and released, by those who appreciate them.

You. Me. Us.

Social professionalism is the combination of objective workload admiration and assistance, coupled with interpersonal subjective interaction. It’s an art to balance them. No two superstars handle their workload, professional relationships, and interpersonal friendships the same way. Often the boundaries between work and personal blur. Some do not let us into their personal world to help them in a rough time, rather they “tough it out.”

I see this vulnerability in my LinkedIn coaching practice among men, women, young, older, successful power brokers, unsure new entrepreneurs, highly capable professional practitioners, recent grads and newbies, under-employed job candidates, those transitioning into a new industry. Yes, from other personal coaches and trainers too–anyone who in a life adjustment, and often those endeavoring to do so in others. Cobbler’s children, right?

It’s just not healthy to face trauma singularly. Ask for support. You know whom to rely on. Yet we shrink back and resist asking for help.

If you are vulnerable, find the right person to lean on. If you know someone who needs a shoulder, offer it without being asked, via any communication method, listening carefully to their response to your initial “how are you?” In either case, don’t repress your human-ity due to societal mores.

It goes both ways. You could be the rock today and the person needing support tomorrow. What goes around comes around.

In either situation, just try it: reach out and “touch” someone, or allow them to ”touch” you. The surprise factor of being recognized as AWOL or vulnerable is a wonderful support  to  someone during their hard times. Or just converse.

How did the surgery go? Did you get home ok? Do you need some help? Just checking on you to see you are ok.

When my friend was mysteriously ill with no clear remedy or treatment, I sent him daily flower pictures as cheer emails (all he could handle at the time). To my mentorship friend who suffered a stroke, I check in on him every so often to apprise his progress. To my former boss from the 1970s in his spate of rapid medical challenges (all thankfully resolved) I called him in the hospital to spend the quality time and hear his stories. To my European colleague whose father was terminally ill, I zoomed to listen to his pain as he watched the decline that ultimately led to his loss. To my client whose mother was suddenly hospitalized, I checked in until she was released and home to recuperate. When I had a sudden heart attack last summer, I greatly encouraged and appreciated all the check-ins from my colleagues and friends that helped me spend my alone time.

I hope this bedtime calling habit sticks, not just a TikTok fad, as the linked article hints, “as reminder to men (and women I will add) about the importance of re-evaluating ideals that may not be best serving them..to take this time to think about…ideologies they were taught at a young age and be open to expressing vulnerability more genuinely.”

These men were “pleasantly surprised by how good it feels to check in with a friend or have a friend concerned about you.” Watch the videos embedded in the article.

Men, women, all of you reading here, try it.

Tell me in your responses: why, and how, do you agree? In human words, please. Emojis are just not enough.

photo credit: https://www.tiktok.com/@shaeandchris/video/7505972162679917870?q=husband%20calls%20friend%20to%20say%20goodnight&t=1747767229158