A pumpkin pie has to cool once out of the oven. The first writing you use to start to renovate your LinkedIn profile also has to “cool” once you have written the first draft.
You should take a walk, a shower, a break and then come back to it to revise it again and again. Once it’s how you want it, take a slice out of it and send it to a trusted colleague. Ask him or her, “Is this telling WHY ME?” and if not, revise it again. Then share the delicacy with your colleagues.
Have a bountiful holiday.